Every White Lotus Sex Scene, Ranked

The omnipresent ick is the only natural law of the White Lotus universe. You can catch a whiff of it in every torrid sex scene—excitement and unease, desire and desperation, sweat and the faint smell of stolen arancini. Season one spoke to the ways that our sex lives can cycle through periods of feast and famine. Season two is what happens when a social satire decides to buy a skimpy black bikini and become a sexual thriller. And season three…well…we don’t even know what’s happening there.

But if you dare, feast your eyes on this definitive ranking of its most unforgettable sex scenes, from seasons one to three.

Season two, episode six: Harper and Cameron

Technically, this sex scene is a projection that plays out in the tormented mind of Ethan Spiller (Will Sharpe). But there’s some degree of truth to his paranoid fantasies. Over the course of the season, Ethan grows to suspect his wife, Harper (Aubrey Plaza), is cheating with his college buddy Cameron (Theo James). In the season’s penultimate episode, he fumes while imagining them hooking up on a table, then racing to cover up the indiscretion before Ethan finds out.

And frankly, can you blame Ethan for feeling threatened? With a combination of lust and hatred in their eyes, every glance between Harper and Cameron feels meaningful. In several moments, Cameron definitely appears to be seducing Harper. Cameron undresses in front of Harper in the first episode. Later, he plays a light prank on her and openly admits his desire to be liked by her. At every turn, he goes out of his way to meet her cool, judgmental gaze with flirtation. And Harper gradually warms up to Cameron in return. Their underlying motivations become less opaque in the season finale. Cameron is using Harper in a power play to demonstrate masculine dominance over Ethan and Harper is seeking a reprieve from her sexless marriage. The situation is messy, to be sure. But in one way or another, everyone gets their needs met by the end of the season.

Season three, episode two: Chelsea and Rick

Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) and Rick (Walton Goggins), efficiently do away with any question of why they’re actually together after Chelsea, as she says, “almost died” in a jewelry store mugging at the resort.

It’s the end of the day, and the couple are getting ready for bed. Chelsea jumps on the bed, where Rick is already shirtless and horizontal, and coquettishly asks him to hold her. After a few moments of banter about whether or not Chelsea’s new friend is a “hooker,” they seem to share a rare moment of true tenderness and Rick pulls Chelsea suggestively onto his lap.

What happens next, nipple-suckling and all, is genuine, gentle, gazing into each other’s eyes, love-making.

Season two, episode four: Portia and Jack

Season two’s most valuable storyline is Portia’s fling with Jack (Leo Woodall), the supposed nephew of an apparently not-so-wealthy English expat. The Essex accent Woodall perfected for the role of Jack is an essential character detail. Essex is the Bad Girls Club of the UK.

Whisking her away from the resort for extended dates, Jack makes Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) feel naughty and singularly alive, if a bit uneasy. On a drunken day trip, he ropes her into dining and dashing after snacking on arancini. Jack is a sexy, mysterious distraction. Who among us hasn’t taken sabbatical from dating nice guys in favor of someone a little more thrilling?

By the end of episode four, Portia finds herself in Jack’s hotel room, where he models his “sexy underwear” before kissing and climbing on top of her. The next morning she wakes up next him and his perfect pair of butt cheeks.

Season two, episode seven: Harper and Ethan

In the season finale, Ethan confronts his wife, Harper, about whether she cheated on him. Harper confesses that she did, in fact, lock lips with Cameron while Ethan was locked out of their hotel suite. Harper insists the kiss went no further, but the revelation nonetheless sends Ethan spiraling. In a fugue state, he wanders the beach until he runs into Cameron’s wife, Daphne (Meghann Fahy). Daphne and Cameron have an unspoken agreement that their marriage is open, but even she looks dismayed to learn that something may have transpired between Harper and Cameron.

Daphne and Ethan seemingly decide to even the score by hooking up. The action is never shown, but it’s implied when the two take an extended walk to Isola Bella, a Sicilian islet. But strangely, the indiscretion rids Ethan of the feeling that he is a victim, allowing him to not only forgive Harper but rediscover his attraction to her. Letting the emotional floodgates open, Ethan and Harper have passionate sex for the first time in what feels like forever. The pair ironically leave Sicily having strengthened their marriage by reminding each other just how much they have to lose.

Season two, episode six: Mia and Valentina

The tenderest sex scene of the season transpires between Valentina (Sabrina Impacciatore) the rigid hotel manager and Mia (Beatrice Grannò), the bisexual local musician who begins to linger around the hotel and dabble in sex work.

Valentina is quietly devastated to learn her crush on a front desk agent named Isabella (Eleonora Romandini) is unrequited. For an added blow, Isabella turns out to be straight and engaged to fellow hotel staffer Rocco (Federico Ferrante). Having mistook Isabella’s kindness for mutual longing, Valentina resigns herself to loneliness. That is, until Mia offers to be her girlfriend in exchange for a standing gig playing piano at the hotel bar.

Sneaking away to an empty hotel suite, Mia gives Valentina the life-affirming gift of being with a woman for the first time. The experience empowers Valentina to accept her sexuality. And that’s no small thing for a queer Italian woman. “In Italy, to be gay is still a big issue,” Impacciatore remarked to Variety after the pivotal episode aired. “They don’t have rights in Italy. They cannot get married, they cannot have kids. And sometimes they get attacked in the streets just because they love someone of their own sex.”

Season one, episode six: Nicole and Mark

Girlboss CEO Nicole Mossbacher’s (Connie Britton) sex life with her husband, Mark (Steve Zahn), is nonexistent when they arrive in Hawaii. Nicole no longer seems interested, and Mark, a former philanderer, feels emasculated. To really drive the point home, here’s how Mark describes his current sex life with Nicole in the season’s third episode: “I can do this. Just hold my nose and, like, suck it down as fast as I can, so I don’t gag.”

Their intimacy drought finally comes to an end after Nicole is put in danger during a burglary and Mark rushes to her aid. He doesn’t actually manage to stop the thief but does end up saving his marriage in the process, by reminding Nicole of his love and virility. The incident allows the pair to reunite emotionally and physically with a lovemaking sesh that ends their vacation on a high note.

Season one, episode five: Paula and Kai

Resort guest Paula (Brittany O’Grady) and staffer Kai (Kekoa Kekumano) are drawn together in part by their shared distaste for the wealthy white tourists they’re surrounded by. Sneaking away to hook up with Kai becomes Paula’s respite from the Mossbacher family vacation, on which Olivia (Sydney Sweeney) invited Paula to tag along. With Kai, Paula can vent about feeling like a token instead of Olivia’s so-called friend. And hanging out with Paula allows Kai to air his grievances with the resort, which evicted his family from their land. Kai now relies on the resort to make a living, but working there often means having to trivialize aspects of Hawaiian culture and tradition for tourists. Capitalism strikes again and again!

Paula and Kai’s short-lived moonlit tryst is quite sweet, actually, before it spirals into drama and unexpected consequences for everyone involved.

Season two, episodes one and two: Lucia and Dominic

Shortly after checking in to the White Lotus, middle-aged Hollywood director Dominic (Michael Imperioli) begins seeing Sicilian sex worker Lucia (Simona Tabasco) nightly. We soon learn this is a pattern of behavior for Dom, an emotionally unavailable sex addict who has cheated on his wife so many times that she wants nothing to do with him. From his first encounter with Lucia, it becomes clear that Dom physically desires her but cannot bear to face her (and the repercussions of his actions) in the morning. Despite his best attempts to resist and distance himself from her, Dom succumbs to a Champagne-soaked threesome with Lucia and her best friend Mia the following night. The three dance and strip down in what appears to be an en suite hot tub, an amenity I will now spend the rest of my life dreaming about.

Season two, episode six: Tanya and Niccoló

Having taken a shine to Tanya, Jack’s maybe-uncle Quentin invites her to his villa for a couple of days. There Quentin throws a party in Tanya’s honor and introduces her to Niccoló (Stefano Gianino), a drug enthusiast with rumored connections to a local crime family.

After a long night of kissing, dancing, and railing lines together, Tanya and Niccoló sneak away to canoodle in one of the villa’s empty bedrooms. Episode six ends with a long shot of a stark-naked Niccoló on his knees. It’s mega gratifying to see Tanya experience bodily pleasure for once, even if the illicit affair jeopardizes her marriage (and maybe her life).

Season two, episode five: Lucia and Albie

When Portia ditches nice guy Albie (Adam DiMarco) for Jack, Lucia swoops in to capitalize on the hit to his ego. Albie is determined not to inherit the sins of his sex addict father, Dominic, but quickly finds himself hooked on Lucia—the same woman his dad was sleeping with only days before. Feelings quickly enter the fray for Albie, at least. And his earnest but perhaps misguided desire to protect Lucia could be his undoing. She’s not lingering at the White Lotus bar to find romance. For her, sex work is a means to an end. That said, the scene where she’s riding him in the blue morning light at the beginning of episode five is immaculate, right down to the faces Albie makes when he climaxes.

Season three, episode five: Jaclyn and Valentin

The race to see which of the three frenemies, Laurie (Carrie Coon), Kate (Leslie Bibb), or Jaclyn (Michelle Monoghan) would hook up with their shared yoga instructor/wellness coach Valentin is over. And the winner is…Jaclyn. Because of course she is.

After a night of heavy partying on the beach and then back at the villa, Jaclyn sneaks Valentin into her room once her “friends” are safely in bed. Which was some really next-level mean girl behavior because Jaclyn had spent the past few days convincing Laurie that Valentin was totally into her and she should totally hook up with him.

The scene itself is actually pretty tame, by White Lotus standards. Jaclyn, in her skimpy white negligee, whispers “Let’s fuck” into Valentin’s ear, she watches eagerly as he undresses, and then they get to business, missionary-style, with the nightie still on. Are the characters behaving despicably? Yes. Am I mad about this scene? I am not.

Season one, episode four: Armond and Lukas

Self-destructive hotel manager Armond (Murray Bartlett) spends most of season one hurtling toward an inevitable breaking point. When a difficult guest finally sends him off the deep end, he immediately goes on a sex, drugs, and alcohol-fueled bender. At the height of it, he propositions one of his employees, Dillon (Lukas Gage), asking for sex in exchange for days off. “Listen, I’m obsessed with you. I want to get you naked. What do I gotta do?” he bluntly asks in true predator fashion.

We get a glimpse of Armond, naked, performing analingus on Dillon in his office. So do Shane (Jake Lacy) and coworker Belinda (Natasha Rothwell) when they walk in on the pair doing the deed. But the rest of their partying is left to the imagination.

Season one, episodes four and five: Tanya and Greg

Grief-stricken Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge) is in a serious funk when she meets Greg (John Gries), a fellow hotel guest, by chance in season one. She’s just come from sprinkling her mother’s ashes in the ocean, an emotional release that understandably (for Tanya, especially) includes a lot of weeping and wailing. She’s taken aback when Greg asks her out to dinner and as they spend more time together, she grows increasingly worried he’ll run if he gets to know the real her: a messy, imperfect handful of a person. But Greg won’t let Tanya sabotage their budding romance so easily. “I still wanna fuck you,” he says reassuringly.

Season two, episode one: Tanya and Greg

Tanya does her best to please husband Greg. But it gradually becomes clear throughout the season that their marriage is in shambles. During their only sex scene, Tanya enters a trance, staring into the eyes of a testa di moro vase. She shrieks, pushes Greg away, and sits up.

“I must’ve been disassociating,” she says. “I was seeing all of these faces of men with these very effeminate hairstyles, and then I saw you and your eyes were like shark eyes!”

Greg, being the awful husband he is, whines that he “didn’t finish.” But Tanya insists on taking a breather. Greg gets up and walks into the living room, where he berates her for eating five macarons. Trash behavior! And mind you, Tanya is funding the entire vacation.

Season two, episode four: Mia and Giuseppe

Mia gradually embraces the power of sexuality to get what she wants. She charms the hotel piano player Giuseppe (Federico Scribani) right out of his job. She throws a drink in his face when he offers her money for sex in episode one. In episode four, she makes him a counteroffer he can’t refuse: sex in exchange for his music industry contacts and mentorship.

What follows must be one of the most wretched and hilarious sex scenes ever committed to celluloid. They hastily find a place to do the deed and settle for a nearby chapel. When Giuseppe can’t perform, Mia—determined to screw this man once and never again—takes matters into her own hands. Fetching what she thinks is Viagra from Lucia, Mia returns and orders Giuseppe to take it. When the pills in question turn out to be molly, the encounter goes from cringe to hysterical. And the centrality of the church to Italian culture makes the scene even more OMG.

Season one, episode one: Shane and Rachel

Honeymooners Shane (Jake Lacy) and Rachel (Alexandra Daddario) should be in the throes of their “newlywed sex frenzy,” but only one participant seems to be enjoying the action. Outwardly, “sex pig” Shane seems like a catch, given his good looks and his generational wealth. But his churlish rich-boy antics and lack of respect for Rachel’s career are thrown into sharp relief on their honeymoon in Hawaii. The alternately bored and disgusted look on Rachel’s face when Shane initiates morning sex says it all: She could remain in this marriage and become a trophy wife. But at what cost?

Season two, episode five: Jack and Quentin

Fifty out of 10—did not enjoy. The most cursed sex scene of all. In a shocking revelation, Tanya accidentally catches a glimpse of Jack and his (supposed) uncle Quentin, played by Leo Woodall and Tom Hollander, respectively, having sex at the end of episode five.

Of course, what appears to be a horrifying revelation of incest may in fact be contractual sex between escort and benefactor. In episode six, Jack drunkenly confesses to Portia that he feels forever indebted to Quentin for helping him out of a “fucking deep hole.” Just how deep? Which hole exactly? Sadly, we may never know.

Season three, episode six: Saxon, Lochlan, and Chloe

Scratch that. There is yet one scene still more cursed and, honestly, the less said about this one the better. The morning after the Full Moon party, we discover that the night ended with brothers Saxon (Patrick Schwarzeneggar) and Lochlan (Sam Nivola) becoming entirely too close when they both hooked up with Chloe (Charlotte Le Bon).

In fact, the only good thing to come out of this interlude was Chelsea's reaction face when, recounting the threesome from hell, Chloe tells Saxon, “I didn't force him to jerk you off.” What?!, indeed.

The White Lotus seasons one and two are available to stream on HBO Max.