What 'The Golden Girls' Taught Me About Being a Friend

When The Golden Girls first aired in 1985, I was in my 20s, and these ladies seemed impossibly old — how could these vintage women have the same concerns that I did? OK, maybe I wasn’t fretting about my mortality or children, and I wasn’t swanning about my lanai in pastels and terrifyingly large shoulder pads. Still, it was a revelation to someone raised on Madonna that women raised on Doris Day could share her neurotic concerns about work, looks, dating, sex (could I grow up to be a Blanche?) and friendship. Especially friendship.

Now that I am older than the Girls (and can confirm that I am 100 percent Dorothy), I appreciate the show in a different way. It was deadpan and jokey, but it showed older women as whole people, not just sexless caricatures. That was, and maybe still is, revolutionary.

And when it comes to the women in our lives that we love, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who occasionally thinks of the theme song “Thank You for Being a Friend” while enjoying a liquid lunch with pals. If you’ve never watched the show, now is the perfect time to start, 40 years after it debuted on NBC. To celebrate that anniversary, here are 14 lessons from Rose, Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia. 

Sometimes a conversation together around the table is all you need to see each other’s point of view (and hear about Sicily again).

Touchstone Television/Everett Collection

Roast, but never burn

The Golden Girls often kid each other about promiscuity, weight, wrinkles, even intelligence — but they know where to draw the line. (Well, usually. We could argue about Sophia’s observation to her daughter: “Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless.” Season 2, Episode 2, “Ladies of the Evening.”) Be like the Girls. Go for the double chin, not the jugular. 

No man is worth the loss of a friend. Even to Blanche

Over the years, there were many flirtations with another girl’s man: stolen kisses underneath the palms, creepy passes in the wicker-heavy living room. And there were fights about men … so many fights. But in all those years, there was never an instance of a man breaking the Girls’ bond. Even when Dr. Elliot Clayton, who was dating Dorothy, makes a pass at Blanche (Season 1, Episode 3, “The Triangle”). When Blanche tells Dorothy, she isn’t believed — until Elliot reveals the truth, prompting Dorothy to ask for her friend’s forgiveness. “I have to think about it,” Blanche says. “I understand,” says Dorothy. “OK, I’ve thought about it. I forgive you!” Blanche says. When Dorothy thanks her, Blanche says, “Oh, what the heck! That’s what friendship’s all about.”

Great friends can become the family you want and need

Although they came from very different backgrounds, all four were able to find a common ground that bonded them deeply. Rose was a Norwegian American born in St. Olaf, Minnesota, and adopted into a farming family of nine siblings, later discovering her biological dad was a monk. Sophia immigrated to the United States from Sicily rather than let herself be forced into an arranged marriage. Blanche’s siblings and parents were pretty much a Southern Gothic soap opera. But in that one-story Miami ranch house, the Girls’ friendship sustained all of them. “Family isn’t always the people you’re born to,” Dorothy tells Blanche and Rose. “Sometimes it’s the people you find along the way who love you enough to stick by you.” (Season 3, Episode 1, “Old Friends.”)

Listening, not advice-giving, is the cornerstone of friendship. (And cheesecake.)

Gary Null/NBCU Photo Bank/Getty images

You can get through anything with help from your friends

In Season 4, Episode 20, “High Anxiety,” Rose admits she’s addicted to pain pills. The Girls try everything to make her go cold turkey, but even Bundt cake and a late-night game of Googenspritzer don’t help. When Dorothy reaches for the phone to get Rose into rehab, Rose says, “I think the first step is for me to make that call.” Sophia reflects: “This is what friendship is all about. Banding together when the going gets tough. Sacrificing sleep and personal comfort. Putting someone else’s need ahead of your own. It’s beautiful. Let me know how it turns out in the morning.”