1 Eric Cantona (1992)
Leeds to Man Utd, £1.2m
'Leeds came on the phone asking if we'd sell them Denis Irwin,' recalls Alex Ferguson. 'It was a non-starter. But jokingly I suggested we'd swap him for Eric Cantona - and there was this pause at the other end...'
Cantona was a figure of love at Elland Road. In his first English TV interview, he told the fans: 'I don't know why I love you, but I do.' Fans loved him back, releasing a single, 'Ooh, Ah, Cantona', selling 15,000 copies. He scored goals, he had style, poetry, attitude; he helped Leeds win the title. Love was everywhere, and everything was beautiful.
But one man didn't feel it. Howard Wilkinson thought his new signing from Nimes was workshy, egotistical, disruptive. In return, Eric thought Wilkinson was 'bizarre'. A few months into the new season, the rows broke into the open and Cantona was dropped. 'Eric likes to do what he likes when he likes - and then fucks off,' Wilkinson told the press - then, in November, agreed the shock deal with United. After it had gone through, just nine months after he'd arrived, Cantona hit back. 'Wilkinson is just covering himself with these accusations. I was loved at Leeds. Now the fans smash windows and he does not know how to stop it, so he accuses me.'
The £1.2m fee meant a profit of £300,000. The fans were devastated, but Wilkinson was glad to recoup the money and get rid. 'Perhaps he'll have a better chance of first-team games there.' Perhaps. Wilkinson replaced Cantona with £2.9m Brian Deane. The rest is history.
It's number one for being the most bizarre bargain/disaster in Premiership history. We've limited this list to post-1992 Premiership football not because that's when Sky invented football, but because that's when Sky's money turned football finance insensible and provoked so many of the other entries - two more of them involving Leeds. The moves are a mix of the unlikely, the brilliant, the greed-fuelled and the diabolical: the Premiership in a nutshell. And Ali Dia's ruled out because he's appeared in every list like this since 1996. Who have we missed? Email premier.league@observer.co.uk
2 Dennis Bergkamp (1995)
Inter to Arsenal, £7.5m
One of the first real non-veteran world stars to move into English football. Changed the image of the league. Bruce Rioch paid a record £7.5m for the 26-year-old, a month before Newcastle paid £6m for Les Ferdinand. Hit his best form after Arsene Wenger took over and by the time he retired had scored 121 in 424 games, with 166 assists. The transfer record only lasted a few days before Liverpool paid £8.5m for Stan Collymore - entertaining too, but in a different way.
3 Nicolas Anelka (1999)
Arsenal to Real Madrid, £22.3m
Anelka wanted out, so started a six-month verbal dirty protest. Spent most of it bad-mouthing team-mates ('I believe only in myself, God and justice'), then went on strike. 'Arsenal think I'll go back to them. Comical! To hell with the English people.' He signed a £50k-a-week deal with Real in August. 'This was never about money. Bad stories about me were media lies.' Wenger replaced him with Juve flop Thierry Henry for £10.5m. 'Henry is tall and quick,' revealed the Times, 'but not especially prolific.'
4 Alan Smith (2004)
Leeds to Man United, £7m
May 2003 Leeds in financial meltdown - but club icon Smithy pledges he'll stand by them even if they're relegated. 'No matter what happens, I'll stay. It's easy for people to walk away when you go down but it takes a better type of person to stay, to make sure the club gets back where it belongs. That would be my attitude.' May 2004 Leeds go down; Smithy signs for Man United. 'People say the clubs are rivals,' he told the press, 'but we won't even be in the same division.'
5 Attilio Lombardo (1997)
Juventus to Crystal Palace, £1.6m
The 'blimey' category - beating Juninho to Boro. The Juve winger was a bald icon: holder of Serie A and Champions League medals. Then he signed for Palace. Scored on his debut at Everton, but was injured playing for Italy in November and was out for months. When he came back in March, Palace were bottom. The club then lost it completely and made him joint player-manager with Tomas Brolin. Later left for Lazio, where he won five more medals, including Serie A again.
6 Bosko Balaban (2001)
Dynamo Zagreb to Aston Villa, £5.8m
Doug Ellis finally opens his wallet, and this happens. John Gregory's star deal returned no league starts and no goals, in return for £20,000 a week, a £1m pay-off and a share of the original £5.8m transfer fee. 'It has been a nightmare two years,' said Bosko after being released back to Zagreb. 'Villa is all bullshit.' Narrowly beats Corrado Grabbi, whose two goals for Blackburn cost £5m each. 'I love the city, the club and the fans,' said Grabbi. 'I am living a dream!'
7 Robbie Fowler (2003)
Leeds to Man City, £6m
Pure emotion. On 17 January, Fowler dramatically snubbed a move to Man City at the last minute. 'I just thought I still had something to do at Leeds. I've had great backing from the fans and I've always, always appreciated that. I thought and thought about the move, and it just didn't seem right.' Thirteen days later, it seemed fine: City offered a revised £35,000-a-week contract, now with a £10,000-a-week top-up from Leeds. 'I knew City was the club for me.'
8 Sergei Rebrov (2000)
Dynamo Kiev to Spurs, £11m
'This club is not exactly at the top of my dreams!' said Sergei when he signed for £11m. 'And I'm not serious about putting down roots in London. On my way to the club I have to pass such dreadful Arab districts that I instinctively press my foot on the accelerator.' Despite a return of 10 goals in four years, Sergei never let self-doubt creep in and linked himself with a string of top clubs. But he ended up back at Dynamo, via another flop at West Ham. 'English football? There's no skill, just fighting.'
9 Agustin Delgado (2001)
Rayos Necaxa to Southampton, £3.5m
One of football's saddest deals. 'He was pushed our way by agents,' said Gordon Strachan. 'He never learnt English and I spent half of every day mothering him.' Constantly injured. In 2003 flew home to Ecuador and vowed never to come back. 'It's obvious I am hated! Now I'm leaving for good.' Came back a week later and said sorry, but Strachan had had enough. 'I've got more important things to think about than him. I've a yogurt to finish and the expiry date is today.' Made five starts in 30 months.
10 Marco Boogers (1995)
Sparta Rotterdam to West Ham, £1m
Everyone's favourite camper. Boogers came on as a sub against Man United in his second appearance, scythed Gary Neville, was sent off, then went AWOL. Was discovered by the press weeks later living in a Dutch caravan park. Boogers told them: 'I have a bad stomach - I'm not mental.' But Harry Redknapp wasn't buying it and released him on a free. 'I signed Boogers off a video. He was a good player but a nutter. They didn't show that on the video.'