In this week’s story, a mom of three goes into the city to see the new guy she’s been dating: 46, in a relationship, Westchester.
DAY ONE
6 a.m. I’m the first one up thanks to my alarm. I hit the snooze button. I’m fucking exhausted; I’m always exhausted. I stay up way too late getting shit done, every single night. That’s the life of a divorced mother of three kids living in the burbs, working full time, and dating someone in the city.
7 a.m. I pop some caffeine pills because I’m literally too tired to make coffee and get my kids out of bed; they all give me a hard time for various reasons. I have 50-50 custody with my ex, who lives in the town over. We’ve been divorced for a few years. It was a typical marriage-falling-apart situation — we were roommates; we never had sex; we were essentially strangers pretending to be a couple. He’s a great dad, and the kids are managing just fine. I’m thrilled to be unmarried to him, and dating has treated me well so far. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.
9 a.m. I walk on the treadmill and listen to podcasts, like Mel Robbins.
10 a.m. My day of Zooms and Slacks starts. I’m a lawyer at a small firm in the city. They let me work from home most days. I always have mountains on top of mountains of crap to do.
2 p.m. Speaking of, I have a Zoom with my new poop doctor because I haven’t had a real shit in six months. Not sure why. I’m in perimenopause and sleep-deprived, but I don’t know if it’s related. She tells me I need to eat within one hour of waking up. Apparently there’s a medical thing called poop reflex, and you gotta get it going early in the day. It’s like I’m not revving up my engine soon enough. Gastro Lady also has me eating one kiwi a day, then some Metamucil-type thing, and drinking a ton of water — duh. I do enemas once a week, which work like miracles, but you can’t do that every day. I think I already overuse them.
7 p.m. I’m still working. The kids are with my ex.
10 p.m. I have a nice call with Ryan, whom I’ve been seeing for three months — we met on Bumble. He’s a lawyer too and lives in the city. He’s divorced. I’m insanely attracted to him. Like, insanely. And you have to understand: That has never happened to me before. I was married for 20 years and never had an orgasm, never liked the sex. I’ve dated a few guys since my divorce, and they did turn me on a lot more than my ex, but I always needed a vibrator to come. With Ryan, it’s like a new me. I’m wet — dripping wet — the second he touches me, and it was like that from our very first date, when he simply touched my arm.
11 p.m. I do another hour or so of work until my eyes are falling out of my head.
DAY TWO
8 a.m. Today is the first day taking some new supplements, thanks to a wellness coach I’m talking to in addition to the Gastro Lady. Again, it’s all to fix me from being so tired and dysregulated.
10 a.m. My best friend texts me to check up on things, and I tell her about my wellness journey and she’s like, “How about just trying to go to sleep earlier?” I tell her that’s an impossibility, but now I’m thinking, Maybe she’s right.
1 p.m. I take a break from work to catch up on paperwork for kids’ freakin’ camps, summer plans, other nonsense, banking, paying credit cards. Oh, last week I had credit-card fraud, so that was fun.
4 p.m. Ryan sends me a link to the restaurant we’re going to tomorrow night. I’m laughing to myself because we usually have sex before we go out (at his apartment in the city) and only half the time even make it to the restaurant. Ideally we have sex before dinner, then after dinner. Honestly, who am I? I don’t even recognize myself!
7 p.m. Nice nightly call with Ryan, but I can’t talk much because my kids are home and I have to do homework with them. I love my kids with all my heart, but with three kids under age 10, they drive me crazy.
11 p.m. Still doing work. One of my kids is in bed with me because he had a nightmare. I can only imagine he’s going to be in therapy one day unpacking how his mother was typing in his ear all night instead of rubbing his back. Oh well. My ex makes no money — did I mention that? All the finances are on me. So here we are.
DAY THREE
6 a.m. I got four hours of sleep. And tonight I’m going into the city to see Ryan. And I don’t know how to nap. But that’s okay. I can literally close my eyes and imagine having sex with him, and I’m instantly happy and at ease.
9 a.m. I have an old friend who calls me weekly to catch up and check on me postdivorce. We’re talking when she asks if there are any red flags with Ryan. “There really aren’t!” I tell her. But there is one, maybe, light-orange flag. And that is that he seems hesitant to fully commit. He’s a “Let’s take it slow” guy. I did lightly approach the subject recently, and it went left — he was like, “Let’s not label this” — so I dropped it. I think we are monogamous, but I don’t really know. We have never discussed our status.
My friend coaches me through how to approach this conversation tonight during our date. I tell her I’m not worried worried about it, but we practice some ways to open the conversation, in case there’s a good moment.
5 p.m. My custody schedule is a little wacky because my ex is traveling next week, so he has the kids an extra night. He picks them up at home and then I get ready for the city.
7 p.m. After driving and parking, I get to Ryan’s apartment right when our reservation is. Which means yes sex, no dinner. Fine with me! As always, we have crazy sexual chemistry from the second we say hello. He’s the first guy to talk dirty to me. Ever! It’s all very new to me, so I struggle saying things like “I’m so fucking wet,” but he definitely says things like that. Tonight I’m legit dripping for him. It’s really, really hot.
10 p.m. After two rounds of sex, we lie in bed bonding over our exes and family trauma, and he’s so muscular and I just stare at his forearms. Every time he touches me, I forget what I’m saying.
11 p.m. We’re starving, so we order a pizza and watch TV together, and it’s so fucking enjoyable I just want to cry.
DAY FOUR
7 a.m. Driving home from the city. Another night in a row with about four hours of sleep. I didn’t bring up anything about monogamy last night. I was too in the moment.
9 a.m. Back home and at my computer. Today I’m, like, fatally tired.
12 p.m. I’m always feeling like I’m not doing a good-enough job. My boss does not have children, and she is extremely successful. So as much as I grind, I will never be as work-obsessed as her. After I got divorced, I needed a little bit of personal time here and there, and I feel like she never forgave me for that — even though I literally work nonstop to prove myself.
4 p.m. Ryan texts that he jerked off just now thinking about sticking it in my ass. He loves how pure I am, that I’m 46 with fewer than ten partners. I don’t think there’s anything bragworthy about that — most of my closest friends have had 50 partners or more — but at least I feel less ashamed these days about my low body count.
8 p.m. Dinner and homework with the kids. I try to have a family dance party because I feel a little distant from them, but they all roll their eyes at me. So I have a dance party for one, and my youngest joins me and it gives me life.
11 p.m. Finishing work stuff and scheduling parent-teacher conferences and after-school activities, and it goes well into the middle of the night.
DAY FIVE
6 a.m. I feel like I was run over by a bus. Per usual.
9 a.m. I have so much work to get done today. I make a pot of coffee and try to keep my head down and just work. I am seeing Ryan tomorrow, so that will be a reward to myself for working nonstop over the next … 48 hours, if I’m being honest. Today and tomorrow.
1 p.m. I have to text the Gastro Lady about my latest bathroom updates. It’s pretty gross. She likes graphic detail. My phone must be so confused by me. It’s, like, half poop texts with her, half porn texts with Ryan. I really hope I don’t get the wires crossed.
5 p.m. Kids are in weekend mode and want to order a pizza. I do that and let them watch all the TV they want because it’s Friday night and I have to work.
7 p.m. Ryan texts me a photo of himself eating ramen. I look at his lips and honestly get wet. It’s the craziest phenomenon. I find myself staring at his ramen photo, totally distracted from the work I’m trying to grind through, until he calls me.
11 p.m. We talk for about an hour about how happy we are that we met each other. I feel more confident than ever about approaching the “going steady” conversation with him tomorrow.
DAY SIX
7:30 a.m. On the weekends, I get a little bit of sleep. I wake up to starving kids who want me to take out the waffle iron, so I oblige.
10 a.m. My ex comes to get the kids. We are cordial when we see each other. We only talk about the kids and their scheduling. At first, we only spoke through a mediator, but now we can handle the pickup and drop-off stuff without any help. I honestly have no idea if he’s seeing anyone. I don’t ask, and I don’t care.
2 p.m. Clean the entire house and do about five loads of laundry.
6 p.m. Drive into the city to meet Ryan at a wine bar near his house.
6:30 p.m. Having a nice glass of wine together while taking breaks to kiss. We have the deepest and most passionate kisses. We’re also petting each other, and he’s kinda touching my boobs. I think we’re doing a little too much for a public place, but honestly I don’t give a fuck.
9 p.m. Back at his house, and I can’t have sex with him soon enough. On the walk over here, he could have thrown me on the street and fucked me. I would have been down for it.
11 p.m. Love falling asleep in his arms. Will wait until tomorrow to talk about anything serious.
DAY SEVEN
9 a.m. We’re having coffee and breakfast together at his apartment. He has a family event in Philadelphia this afternoon, so we have only a few more hours together.
10 a.m. His shirt is off, and I find it hard to concentrate, but I manage to ask him if we are officially monogamous. I tell him that I want to be with only him, and I’d like to make it official that we are a couple. I’m not nervous to say this, because I am almost positive he’s going to agree, but it’s definitely a little awkward. His response isn’t ideal. He tells me that he’s not sleeping with anyone else, but he hesitates to be an official couple. He says it feels a little too soon for that. It hurts me to hear this, but, also, am I being irrational? He calls me every night. I always know where he is. Do I really need a label? We end the conversation on a high note … by kissing and getting naked.
12 p.m. We have sex before he goes to the train station. After I come, I tell him for the millionth time how comfortable I am with him. He says, “It’s really special what we have.” And I agree. It’s really lovely.
3 p.m. As I drive home, I do feel kind of sad. He should want to lock this down. Why doesn’t he?
8 p.m. I’m helping the kids get ready for bed when Ryan calls to tell me that he’s sorry if he didn’t handle the conversation well. He said he wasn’t prepared and didn’t have the right words. He hasn’t changed his mind on anything, I don’t think, but he reiterates how much he cares about me and how wonderful our connection is.
10 p.m. I really, really hope we go the distance together. He is the man I’ve dreamed about. I open my computer and try to get ahead of some work.
12 a.m. I stay up till the point of pure exhaustion.
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